Leave the bright blue door on the whitewash wall
Leave the death ledger under city hall
Leave the joyful air in that rubber ball today
Leave the lilac print on the linen sheet
Leave the birds your killed at your father's feet
Let the sideways rain in the crooked street remain
Leave the wimpering dog in his cold kennel
Leave the dead starlet on her pedestal
Leave the acid kids in their green fishbowls today
Leave the sad guitar in its hardshell case
Leave the worried look on your lover's face
Let the orange embers in the fireplace remain
'Cause everything, it must belong somewhere
A train off in the distance, bicycle chained to the stairs
Everything must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here
Leave the ocean's roar in the turquoise shell
Leave the widower in his private hell
Leave the liberty in that broken bell today
Leave the epic poem on its yellowed page
Leave the gray macaw in his covered cage
Let the traveling band on the interstate remain
'Cause everything, it must belong somewhere
Soundstage in California, televisions in Time Square
Everything must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here
Leave the secret talks on the trundle bed
Leave the garden tools in the rusted shed
Leave those bad ideas in your troubled head today
Leave the restless ghost in his old hotel
Leave the homeless man in his cardboard cell
Let the painted horse on the carousel remain
'Cause everything, it must belong somewhere
Just like the gold around her finger or the silver in his hair
Everything must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here
In truth, the forest hears each sound
Each blade of grass as it lies down
The world requires no audience
No witnesses, no witnesses
Leave the old town drunk on his wooden stool
Leave the autumn leaves in the swimming pool
Leave the poor black child in his crumbling school today
Leave the novelist in his daydream tomb
Leave the scientist in his Rubik's Cube
Let the true genius in the padded room remain
Leave the horse's hair on the slanted bow
Leave the slot machines on the river boat
Leave the cauliflower in the casserole today
Leave the hot, bright trash in the shopping malls
Leave the hawks of war in their capitals
Let the organ's moan in the cathedral remain
'Cause everything, it must belong somewhere
They locked the devil in the basement, threw God up into the air
Everything must belong somewhere
You know it's true, I wish you'd leave me here
You know it's true, why don't you leave me here?
-Bright Eyes
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Reflections and Reservations
My mind has been a jumbled mess the last few weeks. So have my emotions, come to think of it. I'm a rollercoaster of doubts, decisions, endorphins, disaster, and - more recently - drama. It's been a rough couple weeks for no one particular reason. I think the issue weighing most on my mind as of late is the whole I don't know what I'm doing with my future situation that moved itself up from the middle of next May to say January. I hate not having a plan. I need to be able to envision something to get excited about it. See it, think it through, plan it out. Control it. Type A, much?
It has helped to have some agency visits and narrow down my options to two really great placements in Rochester and possibly another in LaCrosse. Ofcourse I wouldn't pick a placement in Winona, that would make life much too simple. I entertained ideas of packing up and moving to a new place for said placement, but for now have decided to stick it out in Winona and fork over around $600 for gas to commute. I'm still researching options and hoping to find carpoolers for spring semester. Interviews are in a few weeks, and I would be more excited about that if I didn't totally freeze in role-playing interviews in class the other day. I know the real deal will go just fine, but it was just one more situation to add to my list of life fails this week. You know, right there before not waking up til after I was supposed to be at work this morning.
It's the little things these days that are really getting to me. I feel defeated. I suppose it would be really fantastic if I could choose to look at the good side of things (never have I gotten ready for work in less than five minutes before) but I don't have the energy to make it sincere. I've decided it's my quarter-life crisis (83 has always been my ideal life length anyway) and I need some time to figure out what I actually want to do. Again.
I think I got bored with the social work idea sometime last semester. The activist/protester/world-traveler-fighting-for-social-justice nametag sounds pretty appealing but I don't think it would pay the bills. Kind of like both my jobs now, put together. Which leads me to my main life question: how long is it acceptable to mooch off your parents?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Single and Fabulous, Exclamation Mark
In one of my favorite SATC episodes Carrie has a photo shoot with the title "Single and Fabulous". She ends up going out much too late the night before, sleeping through the shoot, and shows up late as an absolute mess. It's not until the magazine is published with her face plastered on the front that she realizes it's Single and Fabulous question mark instead of Single and Fabulous exclamation mark. One little symbol makes a world of difference, and can make or break the self-esteem.
This is a blog to celebrate really fabulous single women - exclamation mark!
My church has baby dedications from time to time. It's not exactly a baptism or specific ceremony, but it gives young parents a chance to stand up in front of the congregation with their babies - and usually a few adorable toddlers vying for attention - and proclaim their intentions to raise the child to glorify God to the best of their abilities. I think it also gives the church the opportunity to come alongside and support new parents.
Yesterday we had such a dedication. I don't know many people other than students at this church and I certainly didn't know this woman, but for the first time I can remember, a single mom stood up there by herself and dedicated her baby. Sidenote that this little boy had the biggest, most adorable dark eyes, round cheeks and curly hair. This particular service stood out to me, not only because I think it would take guts to stand infront of a big church by yourself, but also because this church was so supportive of a single mom - something I don't see a whole lot. They didn't explain why the baby and mom had different last names and I didn't expect them to, but this was the second woman I had met this last week that was clearly proud to be a single mother. I find this relevant because I think I want to adopt someday. And I will expect some static from people who believe that children need a mother and father figure in their lives - and I'm sure they have a point. But a key word here is figure, isn't it? Wouldn't it help to have a man around that you respect that your kid could also look up to? Isn't that what friends and family are for? Isn't it still better for that child to be in a loving home - one parent or two?
I'm clearly not planning this for years and years - I don't even know what I'm doing with my own life in four months. It's just something bouncing around in my mind lately. And I get excited to see other women living out my dreams.
I met another woman in the drive-through on Friday who is a professor at two colleges in town. She's a single mom who teaches English (and maybe Education) who is so gosh-darn passionate about social justice. She comes through all the time, but I loved her as soon as she started talking about justice and how excited her freshmen were becoming about their projects. I asked her what her favorite part of teaching was and she told me it's when the class as a whole can get excited about something and everyone's sharing and talking and pretty soon the hour is over and no one even realized the time dissappeared. Her class is currently talking about September 11 and how there's more to the story than terrorism. Maybe it's been a response to years and years of oppression since the crusades. I'm really not going to get into that since all I can offer is a relay of what she told me through a drive through window, but I respected her strength and passion.
You can probably expect similar posts about single, fabulous activist women after the global forum in two weeks. I'm so excited to network and meet these people and hear their stories.
This is a blog to celebrate really fabulous single women - exclamation mark!
My church has baby dedications from time to time. It's not exactly a baptism or specific ceremony, but it gives young parents a chance to stand up in front of the congregation with their babies - and usually a few adorable toddlers vying for attention - and proclaim their intentions to raise the child to glorify God to the best of their abilities. I think it also gives the church the opportunity to come alongside and support new parents.
Yesterday we had such a dedication. I don't know many people other than students at this church and I certainly didn't know this woman, but for the first time I can remember, a single mom stood up there by herself and dedicated her baby. Sidenote that this little boy had the biggest, most adorable dark eyes, round cheeks and curly hair. This particular service stood out to me, not only because I think it would take guts to stand infront of a big church by yourself, but also because this church was so supportive of a single mom - something I don't see a whole lot. They didn't explain why the baby and mom had different last names and I didn't expect them to, but this was the second woman I had met this last week that was clearly proud to be a single mother. I find this relevant because I think I want to adopt someday. And I will expect some static from people who believe that children need a mother and father figure in their lives - and I'm sure they have a point. But a key word here is figure, isn't it? Wouldn't it help to have a man around that you respect that your kid could also look up to? Isn't that what friends and family are for? Isn't it still better for that child to be in a loving home - one parent or two?
I'm clearly not planning this for years and years - I don't even know what I'm doing with my own life in four months. It's just something bouncing around in my mind lately. And I get excited to see other women living out my dreams.
I met another woman in the drive-through on Friday who is a professor at two colleges in town. She's a single mom who teaches English (and maybe Education) who is so gosh-darn passionate about social justice. She comes through all the time, but I loved her as soon as she started talking about justice and how excited her freshmen were becoming about their projects. I asked her what her favorite part of teaching was and she told me it's when the class as a whole can get excited about something and everyone's sharing and talking and pretty soon the hour is over and no one even realized the time dissappeared. Her class is currently talking about September 11 and how there's more to the story than terrorism. Maybe it's been a response to years and years of oppression since the crusades. I'm really not going to get into that since all I can offer is a relay of what she told me through a drive through window, but I respected her strength and passion.
You can probably expect similar posts about single, fabulous activist women after the global forum in two weeks. I'm so excited to network and meet these people and hear their stories.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Free Money
I realize that a mere seven days ago my school and I were not on the best of terms. I did not have kind words to send in their direction. And although I'm still waiting to get my reimbursment and did recieve a notice that the rest of tuition is due in two weeks (oh scholarship, hurry up), something wonderful happened today.
They decided to give me free money.
Two of my favorite people here at school and I decided to go to San Diego next month for a conference about Human Trafficking. We all happen to be social work majors (and psuedo-professional bakers, but that's another post for another day) and passionate about modern-day slavery. We had the opportunity to go to southern california for 4 days, go to the conference, meet other sweet activist people, gain tools and knowledge for abolitionist work, and did I mention go to San Diego, all while only missing one day of class. I couldn't sign up fast enough.
So Nikki and I approached our professor to let her know we would be missing one day of class in a few weeks. Not only was she fine with us being gone, but she told us about the Diversity Fund on campus that supports students in extra-curricular learning. Like going to Southern California with your two best friends.
Guys they approved us today. It wasn't a ton of money, but enough to pay for the hotel and put some money back in my bank account.
WSU, you are forgiven.
They decided to give me free money.
Two of my favorite people here at school and I decided to go to San Diego next month for a conference about Human Trafficking. We all happen to be social work majors (and psuedo-professional bakers, but that's another post for another day) and passionate about modern-day slavery. We had the opportunity to go to southern california for 4 days, go to the conference, meet other sweet activist people, gain tools and knowledge for abolitionist work, and did I mention go to San Diego, all while only missing one day of class. I couldn't sign up fast enough.
So Nikki and I approached our professor to let her know we would be missing one day of class in a few weeks. Not only was she fine with us being gone, but she told us about the Diversity Fund on campus that supports students in extra-curricular learning. Like going to Southern California with your two best friends.
Guys they approved us today. It wasn't a ton of money, but enough to pay for the hotel and put some money back in my bank account.
WSU, you are forgiven.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Didn't want to go to class, part two
Tuesday morning I awoke before 5am to work for a few hours at my favorite coffee shop. After falling asleep twice in class (no amount of caffeine can keep me awake anymore) I drug my sleepy self to the registrars/cashier/business office. Between talking to three different account service people four different times, running home to check my online bank account, running back to pay $300 I shouldn't have to pay (it will be refunded when the scholarship comes through) and re-registering for all my classes, I ran out of steam. I also figured that the people helping me fix this problem were not the same people who caused it, so I couldn't bring myself to yell at anyone. I would like to find the person who ignored my email last week and yell at him, but am choosing to overlook it til next time. I was promised the problem was resolved so I went on my merry way.
Then I got to class and tried to log into the student website. My fall 2009 classes were nolonger on there. Probably something to do with not being a student. Those same nasty thoughts from Monday all came right back. I emailed all my professors immediately (and got chastised infront of the whole class for emailing) to tell them I could not read or submit assignments. And previously submitted assignments were also deleted. Also found out that the one day I neeeed to be in Race Relations and Minority Groups is when I plan on being in San Diego. By planning I mean I have plane tickets, hotel reservations, and am registered for the conference there. I'm goin' to San Diego, people. Needless to say I was really unhappy with Winona State. I finished out my night class and went home outraged and determined to give I.T. a piece of my mind in the morning. Luckily for everyone, my student account was up and running again this morning and my submissions were even back in existence. WSU, consider yourself forgiven, but this experience will not be forgotten. I'm looking forward to doing this again for Spring semester.
On a somewhat related note, I was standing in line for my coffee at previously mentioned coffee shop when I realized the woman behind me has been in the majority of my social work classes. She's a single mom with a full class load and I cannot tell you how much I respect parents who are back in school. She has her hands full and doesn't get alot of respect from the professors. She told me about her frustrating experience in class this afternoon with a professor I mistakenly took my first year here. I assured her the prof was crazy and she was not in the wrong. He's mean, he's angry, he swears alot and doesn't listen to students. He also yells at students for things he tells them they are allowed to do. She shared with me what she always tells her kids: "There is NO circumstance that provides any excuse for bad behavior."
So simple, but a good reminder. Maybe it's good that for all the smack I talk, I didn't actually give the school a piece of my mind. There is no excuse for bad behavior.
Then I got to class and tried to log into the student website. My fall 2009 classes were nolonger on there. Probably something to do with not being a student. Those same nasty thoughts from Monday all came right back. I emailed all my professors immediately (and got chastised infront of the whole class for emailing) to tell them I could not read or submit assignments. And previously submitted assignments were also deleted. Also found out that the one day I neeeed to be in Race Relations and Minority Groups is when I plan on being in San Diego. By planning I mean I have plane tickets, hotel reservations, and am registered for the conference there. I'm goin' to San Diego, people. Needless to say I was really unhappy with Winona State. I finished out my night class and went home outraged and determined to give I.T. a piece of my mind in the morning. Luckily for everyone, my student account was up and running again this morning and my submissions were even back in existence. WSU, consider yourself forgiven, but this experience will not be forgotten. I'm looking forward to doing this again for Spring semester.
On a somewhat related note, I was standing in line for my coffee at previously mentioned coffee shop when I realized the woman behind me has been in the majority of my social work classes. She's a single mom with a full class load and I cannot tell you how much I respect parents who are back in school. She has her hands full and doesn't get alot of respect from the professors. She told me about her frustrating experience in class this afternoon with a professor I mistakenly took my first year here. I assured her the prof was crazy and she was not in the wrong. He's mean, he's angry, he swears alot and doesn't listen to students. He also yells at students for things he tells them they are allowed to do. She shared with me what she always tells her kids: "There is NO circumstance that provides any excuse for bad behavior."
So simple, but a good reminder. Maybe it's good that for all the smack I talk, I didn't actually give the school a piece of my mind. There is no excuse for bad behavior.
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