My mind has been a jumbled mess the last few weeks. So have my emotions, come to think of it. I'm a rollercoaster of doubts, decisions, endorphins, disaster, and - more recently - drama. It's been a rough couple weeks for no one particular reason. I think the issue weighing most on my mind as of late is the whole I don't know what I'm doing with my future situation that moved itself up from the middle of next May to say January. I hate not having a plan. I need to be able to envision something to get excited about it. See it, think it through, plan it out. Control it. Type A, much?
It has helped to have some agency visits and narrow down my options to two really great placements in Rochester and possibly another in LaCrosse. Ofcourse I wouldn't pick a placement in Winona, that would make life much too simple. I entertained ideas of packing up and moving to a new place for said placement, but for now have decided to stick it out in Winona and fork over around $600 for gas to commute. I'm still researching options and hoping to find carpoolers for spring semester. Interviews are in a few weeks, and I would be more excited about that if I didn't totally freeze in role-playing interviews in class the other day. I know the real deal will go just fine, but it was just one more situation to add to my list of life fails this week. You know, right there before not waking up til after I was supposed to be at work this morning.
It's the little things these days that are really getting to me. I feel defeated. I suppose it would be really fantastic if I could choose to look at the good side of things (never have I gotten ready for work in less than five minutes before) but I don't have the energy to make it sincere. I've decided it's my quarter-life crisis (83 has always been my ideal life length anyway) and I need some time to figure out what I actually want to do. Again.
I think I got bored with the social work idea sometime last semester. The activist/protester/world-traveler-fighting-for-social-justice nametag sounds pretty appealing but I don't think it would pay the bills. Kind of like both my jobs now, put together. Which leads me to my main life question: how long is it acceptable to mooch off your parents?
Hey, sorry you've had so many frustrations. Think about San Diego! And that you get to see me on Friday! lol. You will totally figure out next semester, and I'm sure it will be great. And I'm sure there will be someone to carpool with. Remember lots of people have about $80,000 in school debt, so you're nowhere near that!
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I just love your honesty and creativity in your blog posts! oh, and mooch off your parents for as long as they will let you. Until you go home and the locks are changed, then you'll know it's time. :-)
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